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What you believe will dictate how you behave, that is a universal truism. If you change your beliefs you will transform your behaviour.

If a person doesn’t take care of their body says they know they should eat better and exercise, that they believe a healthy lifestyle is valuable but doesn’t actually eat veggies or get off their chair, can you truly say they believe what they say they know? Not really. But watch what happens when they have their first heart attack, or when they are diagnosed with type-2 diabetes – suddenly the excuses melt away and they are forced to confront their belief system and make some changes.

Or consider the student who tells themselves and everyone else that they are “studying”. They go to their room, check their phone, open their books, sharpen their pencil, go look for a highlighter, grab a snack, call a friend, look up the perfect study music on the internet, realize their desk is too cluttered so they tidy it up, but then they’re thirsty and need a drink, so they go to get some water, but really, they’re kinda tired so they should get some study fuel so they run out to get some Starbucks…. And all along the way people are saying, “hey, what are you doing today?” The student’s response, “I’m studying!”. “Then why are you at the store?” – “Oh, I’m just taking a quick break. Studying is hard work!” Part of them somewhat even believes it, right? But what happens when the test comes and they fail? They are forced to confront their actions. They are forced to confront whether they were really studying.

If you ask people what they believe about the roles of men and women in the church and in marriage you will get a lot of responses, based on a lot of beliefs, won’t you? People will quote verses, tell stories, share their personal understandings and beliefs, but how many of them actually believe what they are saying? How many of the things we actually say marriage line up to what we practice?

For example, take the simple phrase, “Men and women are equal.” A lot of people say they believe this, but do they? Are men and women equal? Well, if we define equal as being “the same”, then no, we’re not. Our bodies are obviously different, what with hormones and baby making system and all, but it’s not only that. According to neuroscientists, there are some considerable differences in how we see our world.[1] There’s no difference in intelligence between men and women, but they did learn that women are better at situational thinking and men are better at predicting patterns. Men are better at focusing on one task while women are better at multi-tasking. Women are better at picking up social cues and can empathize with what’s going on around them, while men are better at disregarding emotional distractions and rude behaviour and focusing on exact issues. Men are typically better at math than women. Women feel pain more intensely than men. Men are better with controlling their bodies movements and have faster reaction times, but women are better at discerning colours and learning languages and have better long-term memories than men. Men are better at short-term memory. Men get a rush of pleasure chemicals when they are faced with a risky situation. The bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward. Sexually, men are aroused mostly through their eyes, while women are more complex requiring multiple senses, ambiance, touch, scent, temperature, to get excited.

That’s pretty interesting, isn’t it? Now, I want you to be careful when you hear that because there was absolutely no judgment in any of those statements, yet we are conditioned by the society around us to be immediately offended by hearing that we are different – because the word “different” has become associated with “inferior”.

If a scientist says men are better at disregarding emotional distractions, focusing on one task then somehow it gets translated into, “Female emotions are bad.” If a scientist says, “Men are better at controlling their body and have faster reaction times.” it somehow gets turned into, “Women are bad at sports!” But that’s not what he said! He’s just reporting the facts. But when those facts get filtered through our belief system, we often end up with an emotional response. And when our sinful nature gets involved it turns into arguments, put-downs, contests, and hard feelings. We somehow, naturally turn the information turns into a battle of the sexes.

Review

But that’s not how God intended the relationship between men and women to be! The differences between us are not meant to be a source of contention, but a reason to worship God. They weren’t meant to drive us apart from each other, arguing about which set of strengths is better, but cause us to marvel at the differences and depend on one another. Men have strengths that women don’t have and women have strengths that men don’t have.

The laser focused, risk-taking man needs the balance of the woman’s ability to multitask and be emotionally and situationally aware – and the overwhelmed and harried woman who is seeing a million things the man doesn’t needs the man’s ability to predict patterns, establish priorities, and focus on one thing at a time. Of course, I’m speaking stereotypically, and not everyone is like this. I fully grant that there are lots of ways that this isn’t the hard and fast rule. Some men are more in touch with emotions, some women are amazing at math, some guys couldn’t hit a fastball to save their life, and some women are super driven and focused on achievement and their work – but hopefully, you see the point that we need each other’s differences. Or as a bunch of smart people at the TGC said it, “Men and women are not simply interchangeable, but rather they complement each other in mutually enriching ways.”[2]

And this is represented in scripture too, certainly in the 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 passage we’ve been studying for the past few weeks, but also in other passages in scripture. So what I want to take us to a few different places in scripture and then flesh the concept of the different roles of men and women, often called “complementarianism” out. But first, we’ll do a quick review of where we’ve already been.

On the first week, we talked about the authority behind the passage, citing everything from the authority of Jesus to how God biologically created men and women. The next week we studied the cultural context of the passage, discussing head coverings in ancient Corinth, what was happening in that particular church, and how that applies to us today. Last week we went back to Genesis 1 and talked about God’s original intention to make men and women equal in dignity, worth, glory, power, honour and dominion and the sin of disrespecting, subjugating, denying and ignoring one another. But I told you last week that wasn’t the whole picture. While Genesis 1 emphasizes our similarities, Genesis 2 retells the story of the creation of man and woman emphasizing our differences.

The Original Plan

So let’s open up to Genesis 2:5-25,

“When no bush of the field was yet in the land and no small plant of the field had yet sprung up—for the LORD God had not caused it to rain on the land, and there was no man to work the ground, and a mist was going up from the land and was watering the whole face of the ground—then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. And out of the ground the LORD God made to spring up every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil…. [skip to verse 15]… The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, ‘You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.’

Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

God the Sculptor

I want to point out a few things here that tell us about how God intended men and women to understand and relate to one another, particularly husbands and wives, but also generally. Certainly, a lot of the language at the beginning of Genesis is poetic – it’s not a science textbook on genetics, but there are some incredibly important truths here. The whole narrative slows down and God is portrayed as a gardener, a sculptor, an artist, forming, designing, and bringing to life a very special portion of creation. Everything else He spoke into being, but now the picture is of him bending down, hand-crafting something special, like a potter working with clay.

This shows us something of the importance of living creatures, animals and mankind to God. He sees living creatures, especially mankind, different compared to everything else. Mountains and galaxies and flowers are beautiful, but they are not living creatures. And while animals are amazing, humans are His masterpiece, His image in the world. Here we see God forming out of the earth, out of the dirt, all living creatures – except one.

Something’s Not Right

Look at verse 18. Notice that Eve, woman, is not around yet. That’s not an accident. God had created every other animal in all creation with a mate, every flower had a way to reproduce, the cycle of life had been engaged for every part of the planet – but not for Adam. Was this an oversight on God’s part?

Obviously not, but wow, people have used thinking like that to torture this passage into a patriarchal, sexist, misogynist insult to women. They say this whole story was written by men, for men, so that they would have a religious reason to subjugate women. Is that what this is? Is this section an insult to women? No way!

Just as the story slows down and zooms into God’s artistic hands when He starts creating Adam, here we see the story start to build drama. A story is unfolding here and it’s meant to show us something very important. Adam pops onto the scene along with the animals, by God’s design, as a natural part of creation. He’s part of the creative order – but now something special happens. Instead of the story slowing down, the whole narrative of creation stops.

In verse 15 we see God take Adam and place him in the garden of Eden so he can work it and keep it. “Ok, Adam, here you go. Enjoy the garden, work it, eat whatever you want, except that tree over there… but have fun and get to work.”

And Adam’s out there doing whatever he’s supposed to be doing, right? He’s hoeing away, taste testing everything, petting the cats, figuring out how seeds work, or whatever, but something is “not good”. Those two words introduce drama into the story of creation. It brings the whole story to a stop. Everything up to this point has been “Good” and “very good”, but now, something is “not good”. What’s not good? What on earth is missing? What’s wrong? Adam is sinless, standing in the garden of Eden, in the most idyllic setting imaginable. The planet still has that new-car smell. But something is not good? What is it? Woman is missing.

Was this God’s oversight? We sometimes read it that way, don’t we? It’s like whenever I buy something from Ikea. I take it home, look at the plans, lay it all out, do my best, try to get it all right – but then when I step back to admire my work, it looks a little off. It’s too wobbly, it’s not good. So I go looking in the box and realize that I missed a piece!

That’s not what’s happening here. God doesn’t make mistakes, so what is happening here? God is grandly introducing the greatest part of creation, the best thing He will ever produce for Adam. He’s teaching Adam something important by making him go without for a little while. Look how it happens!

In verse 19 we are reminded, once again, that Adam and every other creature was made out of the dirt. They were all from the same stuff, living in the same land. And all of these creatures were paraded before Adam so he might see them and name them. Naming something designates authority.

We still do this today. What’s the first thing we do when we get a pet – or a new piece of equipment? What do we do after we create a piece of art or a new invention? Name it. Most of science involves finding and naming things. This shows our dominion over creation. Adam names a bunch of animals and it stirs something in him. There was no helper fit for him.

Wait a minute. Not a helper fit for him? Consider the options. Horse, elephant, badger, falcon, wolves… but nope. Wait, I’m forgetting someone important that was around. God! God was there. This was before the fall, before sin. God and Adam could speak face to face. He could ask God anything and it would be given to Him because there was no such thing as a wrong choice! But yet God had said it was not good for Adam to be alone, and after a time of working the garden and seeing all the animals, Adam knew it too. Adam felt alone, in Eden, standing next to God.

There was a longing in his heart that nothing on earth, even, for some reason, God, could not fill. I know that sounds strange to evangelical ears, but it’s right there. He looked to find a helper, He found none, and God Himself knew it was “not good”.

Longing For A Helper

What does that tell you about how much men need women? Why there is such a deep longing in our hearts for the love of our mothers, our sisters, our female friends, and our wives. This section doesn’t denigrate women, it lifts them up in the highest of esteem. There is nothing in the world equal to women! When God said “I will make a helper fit for [Adam].” our modern ears want to lower the value of that word. Who’s more important the man or his helper? We assume the man, right? But that word is the term EZER in Hebrew and does not signify a lesser relationship. It is the term used when neighbors and relatives help each other accomplish a task (Isa 41:6). It’s used when two nations make a political alliance or when military reinforcements join a fight (Ezra 10:15, Josh 10:4, 2 Sam 8:5). And it’s also used repeatedly of God who is our “helper” (Psalm 54:4; 118:7, 121). If it’s used of God, then it cannot be a negative term or one implying something that is lesser than the other.

God knew that Adam would need a helper. Soon Adam too would know he needed a helper, a partner, someone to alleviate his alone-ness and partner with him on the mission God had given him[3].

But he didn’t need another Adam. He needed someone suitable, or “fit” for him. That’s what God said, “I will make a helper fit for him.” That word means a corresponding part, the other piece of the puzzle, someone that had what God purposefully didn’t give him. There is no sense of subordination or subservience there. It is an equal partnership of people who are the same in worth. This doesn’t make men higher and women lower, it makes them partners. Their differences make them need each other, and working together makes them stronger than if they worked by themselves.

God The Surgeon

Now, look at verse 21. Notice that the picture of God changes. He is no longer a sculptor or a sculptor but a surgeon. The picture we have is of God anesthetizing the man, causing a deeper than normal sleep to come upon him so He could do something special.

The woman is not formed from dirt, like every other living creature. She is not spoken into being like the rest of creation. What is happening? The woman is taken out of man to show that they are not just made of the same substance, but united in a bond that goes beyond any other. Adam was formed from dirt, but so were alligators. Here we see something different. We see God showing us something special: The bond between men and women is different than anything else in all creation. God takes a piece out of man, and forms, or builds, the woman from it. The man was “formed” from dirt, the woman was “made or built” from man.

And from then on, God would work the miracle of creating His human images, not from dirt or ribs, but the children of mankind would be formed in the woman’s womb, built out of the same stuff, the same material as their parents. And what would bring this about? The physical, loving, intimate, sexual union of the man and the woman together in the covenant bonds of marriage. We see the first marriage ceremony take place in Eden and it was to form the system by which God would continue to spread His glory, His Image, throughout the world.

Conclusion                                                                                      

Next week we will get into verse 23, where man names the woman, and what that means about male headship, but I want to close for now saying that when I began today I said that “what you believe will dictate how you behave”.

I think everyone here agrees with that, but as I said, I wonder if your beliefs line up with what you are saying.

• Do you believe that the Bible is the Word of God?
• Do you believe God has the right to tell you how to view the relationship between men and women?
• Do you believe you must submit yourselves to Him, despite what you think or have experienced?

If so, then what I’ve just taught you may require you to change your behaviour.

• Do you believe that men and women are equally intelligent and equally worthy of respect – or do you value the opinion of one over the other?
• Do you believe that God made men and women purposefully different and that those differences should be celebrated – or do you believe that to be different is to somehow be lesser?
• Do you believe that the women you work, serve and worship with are a gift to mankind –that every part of society truly needs women – or do you believe that women are a hindrance to getting things done?

Of course, this works both ways, so I encourage you to think long and hard about your beliefs about the roles of men and women in this world and how you perceive them – to ask God to show you where you are biased for or against, where you have confused difference for inferiority, and to ask forgiveness for insulting God’s design and His image.

[1] https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html & http://www.fitbrains.com/blog/women-men-brains/ & http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2017/04/study-finds-some-significant-differences-brains-men-and-women

[2] https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/four-dangers-for-complementarians

[3] http://margmowczko.com/a-suitable-helper/